The Real Story

I wasn't going to post about everything that happened when I took Jesse in to see the plastic surgeon that reconstructed his forehead. I know that others have had a great experience with him and I didn't want to be "that" mom that has nothing good to say about him. But I've decided that I need to get it out there. What happened to Jesse was wrong and it is part of his story. He should know about this when he is old enough to understand.

First, I'm going to say that I don't remember the timing as to what was said when. I'm just writing about things that were said, although they may be out of order.

I explained to the surgeon how I felt that Jesse's forehead was regressing. I told him I felt that his forehead was still really narrow. He then told me that it wasn't really narrow. He actually emphasized the word really. To me, that could have been an admission of some kind that his forehead is still narrow.

I told him that he still didn't have a brow. I was told he "looks great". Then my mother-in-law asked the surgeon if he had reconstructed the brow. She said it in a nice way… not accusatory at all. It sounded to me more like a question that someone that didn't know much about the surgery would have asked. The surgeon said that we were forcing him to take the defensive. He did say yes, but I'm still not really sure if it was in response to her question or not as there was a lot going on in the room.

The surgeon then kept going on and on about how Jesse "looks great". He said that we should really try to figure out what was really bothering me because if he were to show Jesse to any other mom that was there, that they would be very happy with the result. Insulting. He presumes that there is some other issue unrelated to the fact that I am looking out for my son.

I explained to him over and over that I understood that lumps and bumps were normal. That the soft spots being there were normal. That I was concerned that his forehead was still too narrow and he still had no brow. And over and over, all I got in response was "he looks great".

He also told me that it was okay if I wanted to go to another surgeon to get another opinion. Oh really? You're giving me permission?

Then he said I can come back in six weeks since I'm so concerned about everything and that if I wanted to come by every week I could if it would make me feel better. Patronizing to say the least.

Did the surgeon botch the surgery? I don't know and I probably never will know. My mommy gut says yes, but it's something that cannot be proven.

This is why I am forced to go half-way across the country. I have to give Jesse the best possible care and if that means going to Dallas, or Seattle, or New York, or Timbuktu, then I will do it. Jesse is an amazing little boy. As his mother it is my job to make sure that I do everything possible to give him the best chance of having a great life.